haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
