Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
