Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
