Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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