good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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