is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
