This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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