i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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