The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
