I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
