He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
