Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
