you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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