you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
