I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
