she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
