Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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