Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
