You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize