Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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