We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
