i already hear my dad disowning me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
