I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
