i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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