I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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