Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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