Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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