I should be sponsored by Trojan
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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