I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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