so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
