can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
