I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
