I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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