Betty ford says i'm here all night
there's paper in my vomit.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
