I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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