Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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