problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
