Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
