no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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