I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
