At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
