Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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