Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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