I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
