I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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