oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
