But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
