I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
