benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
