sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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