I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
