You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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