watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
