I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
