Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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