Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
