I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
