I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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