I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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