How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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