the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
