Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
