is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
