3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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