i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3pm strippers are depressing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
