Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
