More tranny stories later!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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