I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
