I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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