I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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