so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
