When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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