i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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