I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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