make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
