SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
