wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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