I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We got so high we made milksteak
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
